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In a shock revelation, it has been announced that President-Elect Donald Trump’s number one choice for Secretary of State declined the offer.
Long-time Trump associate, Lucifer ‘El Diablo’ Beelzebub was the initial pick for the position but claimed a ‘crisis of conscience’ prevented him from accepting.
In a statement released by Beelzebub’s office, he said: “While honoured to be considered for this vital position, I have had increasing difficulty with much of the rhetoric I heard during a very difficult election process.”
Observers were surprised by this admission given Beelzebub’s long and controversial career. Known by many titles over this time including the ‘Dark Lord’, the ‘Prince of Confusion, ‘Satan’ and ‘Simon Cowell’, Beelzebub has been a trusted advisor of Trump for many decades. However Trump-watchers noted murmurings about Beelzebub’s visible distain for many of the visitors streaming to meet the President-Elect in recent days.
One, who declined to be named, said: “El Diablo’s track record shows he’s got a pretty strong stomach. But it turns out even he has standards.”
In his statement, Beelzebub said he will now focus all his energies on “exciting plans for the future in this new evil-friendly global environment”. With Project Syria now drawing to a close, it is expected that Dark Lord Enterprises is already looking to opportunities in post-Brexit Britain.